What do you do when you're 30 minutes into a 5 hour fishing adventure a few miles back in the bush and break your rod?
Introducing the new Sage line of Hipster rods: The "Wood"
Are you tired of spending 3 months salary on a rod that is "just like everyone else's? Well, sleep easy knowing you'll be the only one sporting a Wood on the river!
Most rods nowadays are measured in ounces...are you kidding me? If you spend $500 on a rod that weighs 4 oz, that's $125 an oz! The Wood is a refreshing trip down memory lane, priced at around $10 a pound. That's right, per POUND. You can barely buy a pound of bacon for that price.
The model shown is a 30 weight one piece, 8' 3 3/8". A real back woods experience. Guaranteed to not only give your arms the work out they need, but also to make your hands bleed within the hour. Not for the faint of heart, each rod is a "one of" and because of the quality, doesn't need a rod tube! The signature series will be personally inscribed with my initials, have a custom duct taped handle, and available only to the first 50 orders.
For a nominal price, we'll also include a 12 foot section of old ratty fly line to tie to the end for ultimate fishability. We've decided to do away with cork handles altogether, and are offering a whittled upgrade option. The blanks are also available, but are the same price as the finished rod...you do the math! The Wood comes in too many lengths and weights to ever list. In fact, I'm even willing to do a custom length. Weight may vary. We've also decided to throw typical "action" descriptions out the window, as the Wood just isn't your typical rod and we didn't want to limit the possibilities. I've included a list of our most popular models to help you in your selection:
broom stick (our bare bones model designed with the hard core angler in mind. a wonderful all around option)
tree stump (great for those smaller rivers that still hold big fish)
dad's wrath (designed to compete with the fiberglass enthusiasts, very supple while still
delivering an intimidating "sting")
car antenna (are you all about presentation? This is your rod)
carriage whip (like to beat the water to a froth, let the trout know you're there and mean business? This one's for you)
pole barn (salt water, salmon, musky...pole vaulting)
splinter (for the budget conscious, however this one will surprise you. Think Harry Potter's wand meets Gandalf's staff and had a baby named Only in Orvis' Wildest Dreams.
telephone pole (this is our Spey rod model...also, two people can fish this rod at the same time)
Again, you can rest assured that your Wood will stand out in the crowd!
Lastly; if you're like me, you recently learned that if the broken half of your rod goes floating downstream making its way to the ocean, it doesn't fall under warranty! Now you're left explaining to your wife why the lifetime warranty you raved about to justify the cost of your "typical" rod doesn't apply...and that no, you cannot in fact just "add some other section to it."
To combat this problem, we've upgraded the Wood's warranty to include literally anything, at no charge. Need to start a fire and the only wood you could find was your custom Wood...no problem! Needed a wading staff and used your Wood? No problem! Got in a sword fight? Needed to fend off intruders? Scared off a bear? Had to give pole vaulting a try? NO PROBLEM! We'll get a new Wood in your hands in no time!
disclaimer: any likeness to an actual Sage rod is nonexistent and not implied, nor is it intentionally materially misrepresented and other things of that nature. Please don't sue me. Also...what the hell good was the broken section of my rod, Redington? I tried to catch it, but it was a futile chase (and midnight). You were just going to look at it, say "hmm", and send me some new pieces anyhow. Can I sleep at your house tonight?
other disclaimer: warranty does not cover "incidental" damage. Incidental damage is anything related to: using your Wood to start a fire, using your Wood as a wading staff, using your Wood to sword fight, fending off intruders with your Wood, intimidating bears with your Wood, or attempting to pole vault with your Wood. Other things not included under warrantly include but are not limited to: breaking.